Sample Script EvaluationThe first scene is very hard to take in. Narrating so many facts about people we have not yet met is too much for the audience to take in.
The messages in the first scene are written in a thick language. The audience will have a tough time getting into the world of this play. The audience will struggle to understand what is happening. I read it several times before understanding it. P8 John's relation to Cora is unclear. P13 "There's no reason to take money from the bank." Why not?. P14 Something traumatic just happened.The characters would spring into action and not act as though nothing happened. P20-22 Most of Cora’s questions are not necessary. A few sentences would be enough to convey the writer's intention. -What the protagonist wants should be known by now. P26 Cora and Nick are sharing too many personal things too quickly which feels unrealistic. P26 They are making confessions but nothing has happened to make them fear for their lives enough to confess. P27 Cora's age needs to be addressed. Facts are revealed in the play that presently make her 24, 26, and 31. P29-30 It is very difficult to take in so many facts. Many of these facts do not move the story forward. If they were left out of the script, they would not be missed at all. P31 Cora and John are not relating to each other. She is upset and he is recounting a funny story to her. They are not connecting. P32 The monologue could easily be cut by 4/5. Thinking out loud about the past, naming people we will never meet whose circum-stances have nothing to do with the play, and whose reference does not happen again, makes most of the monologue unnecessary. We learn nothing about John or any of the characters in the play. -Adding the three characters does not move the story forward. They do not add anything necessary to the script and should be eliminated. P35 John tells Cora that he must first tell her about his brother before recounting a story to her about his family. But, when he tells the story, he does not talk about the brother. P37 The setting for Bob's house will be difficult to do in a small theatre. P40 The monologue dialogue is unnatural; it clearly would have been interrupted. P43 Calling characters by their first name and by their last name is confusing, especially since Nick was referred to as Signoli in the beginning of the play. I had no idea until now that Signoli and Nick are the same person. P44 The professor sent Cora a few letters which only Cora has read. Her sister uses this as proof that the two are a couple. Since Cora worked for the professor, why couldn't they have been business letters? P47 We know 100% that Cora isn't leaving. Why does she pack her clothes? P49 The inclusion of Karen and Tracy needs to happen earlier. Their entrance into the piece would be much stronger if that happened when Cora was thrown out of her house. |
P52 Cora knows who stole the keys; we found that out on page 47. Unclear why she is surprised when John tells her that Nick took the keys.
P52 There is just too much going on. The audience will get lost in all the details, some of which are never referred to again. Much of the detail is not pertinent to the story and causes the rising arc to falter. P53 - P56 There are too many small scenes. The information in all of these scenes can be combined into one scene. This would eliminate scene changes and blackouts which would disturb the world of the play. P56 There are so many details. It is very hard to listen to pages of details. The audience will get lost in all the details, many of which are unneccesary. These details slow the pacing of the script. P60 With Cora being so ill, why would Nick come into her home at 3pm, see her in bed, and not address her illness. He speaks as though she is fine. P77 The ending is confusing. Cora was supposed to start her new job in September, but the end of the play is Christmas and she does not have a job. What happened to the job she was supposed to start in September? This job was a key component of the storyline. - The relationship between Cora, Nick, and John flatlines sometimes when unwarranted humor is used as tension mounts. This affects the rising arc. I suggest you do not use humor when tension is mounting to keep the stakes high and keep the story arc building. - Scene one, which was conflict-ridden, did not give us a chance to get to know the characters. Therefore, the conflict started before the audience was able to relate to them on an emotional level. We could not feel what was happening through the characters which would make the play stronger. - Character arcs for Cora and Nick are incomplete. Hank's desire to leave the town is left hanging. Bart's wants are never fully expressed. - Act I flows beautifully. The building arc is steady. The problem is that at the end of Act I, the stakes are not high enough. More was expected, but nothing much happened after that. - Act II sounds more like a beautiful story than a play. There is very little action and conflict. A lot of telling instead of showing. - The arc builds in Act I, rises a bit in Act II, falls, remains flat, rises, and then falls again. This happens several times and then the play ends. Rate on a scale of 1 to 5 with 5 as best: The characters are well developed 3 The story is well developed 3 The play has strong dialogue 3 The action moves the story forward 3 The tone of the play is clear 4 I care what happens to these characters 4 TOTAL SCORE: 20 DOES THE SCRIPT HAVE A DISCERNABLE ARC? YES but the stakes are not high enough. See notes above about the arc. DO YOU THINK THIS PLAY IS READY FORA READING: NO. COMMENTS: The audience sees Cora's struggle, roots for her throughout the play, and is let down when finding all she did was in vain. The multiple settings will be difficult for a small venue to handle. This will limit where the play can be performed. With 10 actors, multiple settings, many props, many costumes, and the cost of a venue, a producer will most likely find the play too expensive to produce. |